Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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