my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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