sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
