Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
