If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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