He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
operation harelip BJ is a go
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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