Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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