I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
