this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She's the barista slut.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
