Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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