the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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