ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just gargled with NyQuil
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
