you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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