Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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