Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
