i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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