I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
