You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
