dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
