look no pants
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
