Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize