I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
