This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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