you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize