he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
whose parrot is this?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
