so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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