Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
