Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
