I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
