Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
