Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
