how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize