I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
