yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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