i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize