did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
