he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
