was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
