It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
