he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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