i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
