Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
