My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
birth control should be required to get into college
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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