Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
