I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Panties = found
Randomize
