if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
