well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
