well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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