I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
