I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My Higher Power is John Stamos
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
