he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
