Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
