Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
