no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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