I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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