I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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