My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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