She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My feet surprised me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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