You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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