1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
