We got so high we made milksteak
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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