I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
