We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
