No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize