I got chris browned last night
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
