Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
