If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
