he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize