STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
