You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
please come you make the beer taste better
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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