I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
