i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Randomize
