there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
