I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
