Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Mom said you looked used
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
