so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
