no one should ever give us hovercrafts
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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