I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize