i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
