Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
